I like to think that my words of wisdom (I use that word lightly) are useful to all of the single ladies who read them. But Iâ€™m happy to know that some of my readers are also looking to me for advice about their unique dating dilemmas. Hereâ€™s an interesting question from one of your fellow single chicksâ€”many of you will be able to relateâ€”and my response to her. Iâ€™ve always wanted to write a â€œDear Abbyâ€ columnâ€¦
Dear Hitched Chick,
Iâ€™m dating a man I met online and I want your input. We went out a few times and he started saying he wanted me to be his girlfriend. Then he said we needed to slow things down because he felt we were moving too fast. I didn’t hear from him for a week or so and he told me it was because he had lost his phone, but he knows where I work so he could have called me there. Then he got in touch with me through the dating website and invited me to a movie. I saw him a few days ago and he voluntarily told me he had deleted his online profile because heâ€™d found me. He asked if I had friends we could double date with and told me that I should bring extra clothes to leave at his house for when I spend the night.
The next day I decided to delete my profile too, but I wanted to check to see if he had actually deleted his. He had not. In fact, he had blocked my username from seeing his profile. I know this as a fact because I had another username without a picture that I accessed his profile with. My friend, who has a profile on the same site, was able to view it as well. He’s out of town for business this week, yet he’s texted me almost every day that he’s been gone. In the beginning, I asked him if he wanted to have an open relationship and he said no, yet he’s obviously keeping his options open. What do you make of this?
Dear Single Chick,
Four words: RUN FOR THE HILLS! God only knows what’s really going on with this man, but I guarantee it’s nothin’ good. You should always question a guy who starts in with the â€œgirlfriendâ€ talk after only a few dates. Itâ€™s possible that the chemistry was just that great between the two of you, but itâ€™s more likely that you said or did something to give him the impression that thatâ€™s what you wanted to hear. And the fact that he later retracted his statement further shows that he didnâ€™t mean it (or else heâ€™s just wishy-washy which is also not a good look). His being MIA for a week could mean that he has a girlfriend(s)â€”a wife even. Or it could mean that you’re just not a priority for him. Like you said, if he was interested in contacting you, he could have found a way. And it doesnâ€™t sit well with me that after he told you he wanted to take things more slowly, he came back with the â€œI deleted my profile because I found youâ€ business. Iâ€™m curious about how you reacted to his request to take things slowly, because it seems, again, like he was just telling you what he thought you wanted to hearâ€”though he did a poor job of covering his tracks. Furthermore, his invitation for you to leave clothes at his house raises a few questions in my mind.
If youâ€™ve slept with this guy, or given him reason to think that you would if he played his cards right, that would explain all of his unsolicited cajoling. If you havenâ€™t, then heâ€™s just crazy. His words and actions simply don’t line up and he’s already lied to you once (that you can prove). I wonder if he’s even â€œout of town.â€ Does the texting everyday but not calling make you raise an eyebrow? Because Iâ€™m lookinâ€™ like Dwayne â€œThe Rockâ€ Johnson right now.
I’m sure this guy has some redeeming qualities and that you two have shared a few good times. But he’s got more â€œred flagsâ€ waving in the wind than a circus tent.
My advice is to keep it movingâ€”no question.
When you find the right guy, you won’t have to wonder, worry, question, or doubt. Your Mr. Right is still out there…so keep looking.