Lose the Guy, Not Your Mind

Image and video hosting by TinyPicSometimes it takes a while to realize that a guy isn’t right for you. Maybe things are fine in the beginning, or maybe you were living in denial. But it doesn’t matter if it’s a week, a month, or a year into your relationship—as soon as it becomes clear that your guy is not what you need, you must bid him adieu. Life is short. The people that you choose to bring along on your journey should enhance it, not create more drama and stress. Only you can decide if your guy is fulfilling your needs, but there are a few non-negotiable deal-breakers for which you should always call it quits.
If you and your guy have agreed to be exclusive and have established clear boundaries for your relationship, there is no excuse for cheating. I know that people make mistakes, but cheating is a choice. It’s simply a matter of respect and honesty—two must-haves for any healthy relationship. Furthermore, if you and your guy are supposed to be working toward a future and potentially marriage, cheating is a red flag you can’t afford to ignore. If your guy can’t keep his head straight (pun intended) while you two are dating, marriage certainly won’t solve the problem.Fears of commitment: If a monogamous relationship or marriage is on your agenda, you must put any man with an aversion to settling down out to pasture. You can’t cure a man of his fears of commitment (he and his shrink will have to tackle that one), and furthermore, you deserve a man who will be as devoted to you as you are to him. You’ll know when your guy is skirting a commitment—he’ll avoid a relationship label, he’ll want to “take things slow”…six years into the relationship, and he’ll occasionally do inconsiderate things to remind you that you shouldn’t get too comfortable. Who has time for that? You’d save yourself a lot of heartache if you’d just snag a man who actually wants to be snagged.

Unrealistic expectations of you: People willingly stress themselves out in the early phases of a relationship in an effort to put their “best foot forward.” But naturally, as a relationship progresses and a certain level of comfort is achieved, you should be able to relax, be yourself, let your hair down—literally. If your guy always expects you to look like you just stepped out of a salon, go to the gym eight days a week, never get angry or impatient, or if he freaks out when you’re too tired to entertain his friends, ask yourself how long you can keep that up before you have a nervous breakdown. If you’re cooking for your man, walking his dog, massaging his back, and doing his laundry, make sure it’s because you want to and not because he requires it. Any man you pursue a relationship with should see you as his partner, not as his trophy or his “do girl.”

Possessiveness: Having a possessive boyfriend takes all the fun out of being a grown up. Your parents are done raising you—your man shouldn’t be trying to take over the job. Being in love and wanting to talk to your guy fifteen times a day, although ridiculous, is fine. Having to check-in with your guy fifteen times a day so that you don’t get cursed out is cause for concern. I don’t care if he tells you it’s because he’s a worrier and just wants to make sure you’re OK. It’s really about his insecurities and the resulting lack of trust. If your guy has mandated that you can only hang with your male friends if he’s present, that you stop wearing tight jeans, or that you be home before the street lights come on, you need to throw him back and see what’s up with another fish. And don’t be fooled by his excessive PDA—I’m sure you’re irresistible, but he’s just trying to mark his territory. Unless your guy actually bought and paid for you, he shouldn’t be treating you like you’re his property.

Emotional abuse or violence: I can’t over-emphasize the importance of putting an end to an abusive relationship. The longer you allow a man to hurt and manipulate you, the harder it will be to untangle yourself from him. Love is not an adequate reason to allow a man to tear apart your sense of security, self worth, and peace of mind. If your guy has ever verbally degraded you or put his hands on you in an aggressive way—even once—you must invoke your inner Sophia: “I loves Harpo, God knows I do. But I’ll kill him dead ‘fo I let him beat me!”

Ladies, while you’re wasting time with men who are no good for you, the happy future that you could have is dwindling away. Life is too uncertain to settle—lose the loser and keep your sanity. It’s time to let go of the old and make room for a new and improved man!

With love,

Hitched Chick

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