Sometimes it takes a while to realize that a guy isnâ€™t right for you. Maybe things are fine in the beginning, or maybe you were living in denial. But it doesnâ€™t matter if itâ€™s a week, a month, or a year into your relationshipâ€”as soon as it becomes clear that your guy is not what you need, you must bid him adieu. Life is short. The people that you choose to bring along on your journey should enhance it, not create more drama and stress. Only you can decide if your guy is fulfilling your needs, but there are a few non-negotiable deal-breakers for which you should always call it quits.
Cheating: If you and your guy have agreed to be exclusive and have established clear boundaries for your relationship, there is no excuse for cheating. I know that people make mistakes, but cheating is a choice. Itâ€™s simply a matter of respect and honestyâ€”two must-haves for any healthy relationship. Furthermore, if you and your guy are supposed to be working toward a future and potentially marriage, cheating is a red flag you canâ€™t afford to ignore. If your guy canâ€™t keep his head straight (pun intended) while you two are dating, marriage certainly wonâ€™t solve the problem.Fears of commitment: If a monogamous relationship or marriage is on your agenda, you must put any man with an aversion to settling down out to pasture. You canâ€™t cure a man of his fears of commitment (he and his shrink will have to tackle that one), and furthermore, you deserve a man who will be as devoted to you as you are to him. Youâ€™ll know when your guy is skirting a commitmentâ€”heâ€™ll avoid a relationship label, heâ€™ll want to â€œtake things slowâ€â€¦six years into the relationship, and heâ€™ll occasionally do inconsiderate things to remind you that you shouldnâ€™t get too comfortable. Who has time for that? Youâ€™d save yourself a lot of heartache if youâ€™d just snag a man who actually wants to be snagged.
Unrealistic expectations of you: People willingly stress themselves out in the early phases of a relationship in an effort to put their â€œbest foot forward.â€ But naturally, as a relationship progresses and a certain level of comfort is achieved, you should be able to relax, be yourself, let your hair downâ€”literally. If your guy always expects you to look like you just stepped out of a salon, go to the gym eight days a week, never get angry or impatient, or if he freaks out when youâ€™re too tired to entertain his friends, ask yourself how long you can keep that up before you have a nervous breakdown. If youâ€™re cooking for your man, walking his dog, massaging his back, and doing his laundry, make sure itâ€™s because you want to and not because he requires it. Any man you pursue a relationship with should see you as his partner, not as his trophy or his â€œdo girl.â€
Possessiveness: Having a possessive boyfriend takes all the fun out of being a grown up. Your parents are done raising youâ€”your man shouldnâ€™t be trying to take over the job. Being in love and wanting to talk to your guy fifteen times a day, although ridiculous, is fine. Having to check-in with your guy fifteen times a day so that you donâ€™t get cursed out is cause for concern. I donâ€™t care if he tells you itâ€™s because heâ€™s a worrier and just wants to make sure youâ€™re OK. Itâ€™s really about his insecurities and the resulting lack of trust. If your guy has mandated that you can only hang with your male friends if heâ€™s present, that you stop wearing tight jeans, or that you be home before the street lights come on, you need to throw him back and see whatâ€™s up with another fish. And donâ€™t be fooled by his excessive PDAâ€”Iâ€™m sure youâ€™re irresistible, but heâ€™s just trying to mark his territory. Unless your guy actually bought and paid for you, he shouldnâ€™t be treating you like youâ€™re his property.
Emotional abuse or violence: I canâ€™t over-emphasize the importance of putting an end to an abusive relationship. The longer you allow a man to hurt and manipulate you, the harder it will be to untangle yourself from him. LoveÂ is not anÂ adequate reason to allow a man to tear apart your sense of security, self worth, and peace of mind. If your guy has ever verbally degraded you or put his hands on you in an aggressive wayâ€”even onceâ€”you must invoke your inner Sophia: â€œI loves Harpo, God knows I do. But I’ll kill him dead ‘fo I let him beat me!â€
Ladies, while youâ€™re wasting time with men who are no good for you, the happy future that you could have is dwindling away. Life is too uncertain to settleâ€”lose the loser and keep your sanity. Itâ€™s time to let go of the old and make room for a new and improved man!
Last 5 posts by Hitched Chick
- Check Yourself - November 30th, 2009
- Stop Asking Your Single Girls for Advice - July 27th, 2009
- Nobody's THAT Busy - July 13th, 2009
- Play in Your League - July 6th, 2009
- "Help Me Hitched Chick: Guy to Keep or Online Creep?" - June 22nd, 2009