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Bare Down to There

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Hairy butts, bushy punanis, c-section scars and wrinkled wieners. This sounds like the set of a bad porno movie but in fact it was a normal day at a nudey beach. I am not a nudist nor do I sunbathe in my birthday suit. So then why would I be at a nudist beach? Well, I really didn’t have a choice in the matter. Boyfriend and I were escorted to the nudey beach by our friends, a couple with whom we spend a great deal of time with and furthermore whom we trust. We had heard about this beach from la pareja before. They basically described it as paradise lost in La Costa Brava. That was all we needed to hear- a tranquil, secluded beach that hasn’t been written up in Lonely Planet leaving it basically unknown to the majority of sun worshipers that come to this coastal section of Spain.

We drove 20 minutes from our B&B in Tossa de Mar. Parked the car and made our way down the unmarked dirt pathway that led us to a really beautiful beach inlet. It was just as they had described. It looked like a postcard but the picture perfect scenery was quickly interrupted when two grown adults emerged from the sea like an aquatic Adam & Eve without their leafy attire. ‘’La gente esta en pelotas,’’ were the first words out of my boyfriend’s mouth when he realized que estamos en una playa nudista (we were at a nude beach).

Neither of us cared but a warning would have been nice.  I have seen and visited nude beaches before. I am not far from being nude myself when I go to the beach enjoying the European custom of going topless. The nearest beach to my first flat in BCN was a nudist one. I will never forget the day I discovered the proximity of a nudey booty beach when I saw what looked like Santa Claus cycling down the rambla near my home sin nada (without anything). All he had on was a mochila y bombas (backpack and sneakers). His frank and beans were dangling freely over his bike seat. I told my flatmates the story about this crazy naked Santa cruising on his bici and that’s when they told me he was most likely steering towards our local barrio bare naked beach.

In the end it was like any other day at the beach except some of us walked away with tan lines and  some of us  didn’t. i also came to a few conclusions:

1. I prefer my man keep his package under wraps and only bare his paler bum to me.

2. Sand near my baby-making parts sounds rough

3. It is a pity to go stark naked when there so many fabulous options for beachwear.

-Espana Fly

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