Nobody’s THAT Busy


There are a plethora of red flags that can signal a lack of interest on the part of a guy you may be dating. And there are as many reasons why he may choose to string you along despite his lack of interest: he’s too much of a coward to break it off properly, he wants to keep you around as back up, sex (if you gave it up before confirming his intentions), etc. Whatever the motivation, it seems that one of the common signs, or excuses as it were, of a guy who’s just not that into you is the playing of the “busy” card.
I often find myself telling my girl friends, when they’re dating a guy who whips out some version of the busy card (“I just have so much going on right now,” “I probably won’t be able to talk much this week”) that if Donald Trump can find time to date between wives, so can the guy in question. The busiest people I know find time, if only a few minutes, to at least call the people they actually care about talking to. In the early stages of a dating relationship, it’s normal not to hear from the guy every day. But within a few weeks and/or several dates and conversations, a guy knows whether or not he likes you enough to continue moving forward. If he digs you and his advances are reciprocated, he will work to establish a regular pattern of contact. I should note here that regular contact should consist of phone calls and dates—texting should be a supplemental activity reserved for times when phone calls are difficult, like during work hours. You can’t get to know someone via text, and guys are aware of this, so if they’re actually interested in getting to know you and not just doing the bare minimum to keep you around, they’ll call.

When you like a guy it’s tempting to want to believe him when he says the reason he hasn’t called in a week or taken you out in month is that he’s been “sooo busy,” but don’t. Busy or not, if a guy wants to see you, he will. If a guy wants to talk to you, he’ll call—simple as that. If the guy really is “busy” it’s likely that he’s busy seeing someone else he’s more interested in spending time with. Of course some men actually have hectic careers and/or other commitments that don’t allow them a lot of free time, but if the guy you’re dating genuinely doesn’t have time for you, you might want to find someone who does.

“Busy” men are simply unavailable—emotionally or logistically, they’re unavailable. There’s nothing productive or healthy about being in a one-sided relationship. If you’re incessantly checking your missed-call log, text messages, or Facebook profile hoping that the guy you’re “dating” will have made some gesture vaguely resembling that of a person who cares that you’re alive, or if you’re repeatedly postponing, at the last minute, your plan to be “unavailable” when he finally calls to give him a taste of his own medicine (which he’ll probably swallow without so much as a wince), it’s time to move on. When a guy has decided that you’re not a priority for him, you can’t undo your position. Read the signs, if he’s not decent enough to tell you that you’re not the one, and don’t convince yourself that they’re meaningless.

People make time for the things and people they find important. Trying to build a relationship with a “busy” man is like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. You may never know why he doesn’t see you as a fit, but the sooner you realize that busyness is a cover-up for “you don’t matter that much,” the sooner you’ll find the guy who is the perfect fit for you.

With Love,

Hitched Chick

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