I have a question for those of you who arenâ€™t having much luck finding a man: Are you checkinâ€™ for guys who are checkinâ€™ for you? Dialing your standards to the appropriate level will eliminate a lot of frustration when it comes to dating. There are good guys out there, but you have to objectively evaluate yourself to know which ones you should bother pursuing. Thereâ€™s no reason to scrimp on the important inner qualities of a man no matter what your stats are, but if you keep it funky with yourself, you may have to face the fact that the tall glass of water youâ€™re lusting after will never ask you for your numberâ€”the chubby, average-looking guy you just shot down is the best youâ€™re gonna do.
Men are extremely visual in nature; they are far less forgiving about the looks of a potential mate than we are. Women want to be sexually attracted to their man and itâ€™s an important component of a relationship, but we have the ability to develop an attraction to a guy when we like his personality and potential. Men do not operate this way. If a guy isnâ€™t physically attracted to you the first time he meets you, itâ€™s not going to happen. Guys have different priorities than we do when it comes to selecting a mate. They arenâ€™t concerned with finding a wife who can provide for a family or whose level of education affords her upward mobility. They do care that a woman is interesting and sweet and smart and that the very sight of her makes them want to jump her bones. Of course every man has different tastes regarding the personality and physical appearance of a woman and thatâ€™s good news because as they say, â€œthereâ€™s someone for everyone.â€ But that also means that you have to figure out who your someone is and stop dreaming about men who want someone who looks like a Barbie doll.
Because men are often the ones doing the pursuing, most of them have honed the skill of determining which women are in their league and which ones arenâ€™t (save a few bold gremlins who never stop no matter how many women cut them off at the knees). This means that the guys who approach you are often a better measure of the reaches of your league than you may be. You might have your eye on the sexy guy in the corner, but is he coming to talk to you? Of the men that do approach you, donâ€™t be so quick to shoot down the ones who donâ€™t look the way youâ€™d hope. There are probably a few nice guys among them, some that you could possibly develop an attraction to.
Even the most gorgeous women sometimes forgo looks for other qualities that they find more important in a man. In the same way, some men, if theyâ€™re able because of their own looks or income, will sacrifice substance to snag a piece of arm candy that will validate them in the way that a fancy car would. Everyone has to make some concessions. Itâ€™s likely that you wonâ€™t nab a man who has everything you ever wanted, so you have to decide what your priorities are and then figure out how you can leverage what youâ€™re workinâ€™ with to get as close to your ideal as possible. Forgoing looks may be more of a necessity than a choice for you to find a good man, but itâ€™s not the end of the world. If youâ€™re an average looking woman, you may not be able to pull the Idrisâ€™s of the world, but that doesnâ€™t mean you donâ€™t have what it takes to find a loving and supportive man who can provide for his family. The idea is to recognize this fact and direct your focus toward good guys who can appreciate you.
Please note that some men can be shallow assholes and they will have sex with a woman they donâ€™t find particularly attractive if she gives off an air of â€œIâ€™m vulnerable and Iâ€™ll have sex with you if you make minimal effort.â€ If you fall into this category, donâ€™t be flattered or fooled by the guyâ€™s advances. Just know that as soon as the more attractive woman heâ€™s pursuing starts giving it up, youâ€™ll be history. We all know women who have been in this positionâ€”the guy never takes her out and only calls when he wants her to â€œcome over.â€ It always ends badly and could have been completely avoided if the woman would have been smarter and didnâ€™t allow herself to be blinded by the fact that an attractive guy expressed interest in her.
Looks arenâ€™t everything, not even to a man. But itâ€™s important to understand that typically, men place an undue amount of value on physical appearance. They wonâ€™t resign the idea of finding a woman whoâ€™s at least as attractive as they are, if not more when they can swing it. So, if guys arenâ€™t drooling over you, you may have to let go of the hope of snagging a â€œfineâ€ guy and employ your ability to develop attraction to a man who has other redeeming qualities. How does the saying go? â€œThe best things come in the most average-looking packagesâ€? Well, something like thatâ€¦
Last 5 posts by Hitched Chick
- Check Yourself - November 30th, 2009
- Stop Asking Your Single Girls for Advice - July 27th, 2009
- Nobody's THAT Busy - July 13th, 2009
- "Help Me Hitched Chick: Guy to Keep or Online Creep?" - June 22nd, 2009
- Lose the Guy, Not Your Mind - June 16th, 2009