“True Blood” Recap!: “They’re Like Booze For Dolls!”

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You already know what it is ladies, “True Blood” finally returned after a week’s hiatus. Hallelujah as they’d say at Jason’s Light of Day camp! Weigh in on Jason’s clip-on tie, Sookie’s annoying stomping, Erik’s new track suit and Eggs’ ass (don’t act like you didn’t notice too…) **SPOILER ALERT** Here we go:

…why does Bill have to over-clarify everything? “Are you going to get out or do I have to throw you out, through a window that is closed!” – sez Bill. Lol.

…I know I harp on this, but why’s Jason so dumb?!? When he says “evil is when you make the pre-medicated choice to be a dick” during the first vampire conversation, and then “explain Europe to me” right after, I just shook my head. Not to mention, how is Lazarus the first vampire? SMH…

…Tara and Sookie’s CG’d to high-heaven “childhood” photo. Get the f’ outta here.

…”Oh, I’m sorry. A black woman is paralyzed and then butchered to death in the town where I live, I didn’t realize that was funny” – sez black woman cop, flatly. Dry humor = LOL.

…”Hooker…(blah blah blah) bitch..(blah blah blah).” -sez Lafeyette to Tara. CLASSIC.

…Did anyone else want to slap Sookie when she asked Sam why he’s leaving, then stomped around and turned the conversation back on herself? She’s so annoying. Ack!

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…That televangelist preacher is so GAY. When he was talking about watching “god’s awesome power obliterate evil right in front of you…” I thought he was going to kiss Jason. Not to mention, why’s the wife putting Jason to bed in nightie? Where’s your bulky Christian bathrobe? No matter what, Jason seems to pay his way with his ass. Smh.

…Speaking of Lafayette, his dance breakdown after his vampire blood dose from tracksuit Eric? Hilarious, though some people said he was coonish, and while I can see their point…I’d rather believe he was trying to convey the mixture of hyper-sexuality and incredible energy.

…Poor Detective Belfour.  He’s the only one who sees a strange connection with Maryanne, but just wont leave the bottle alone. Could he be the one who sheds the light on who she really is or will he become another casualty?

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…So I get that Maryann is both a maenad AND a part-time komono dragon, but what’s up with a) the disappearing pig? b) why she’s got such a hard-on for Tara having sex with Eggs?

…Is it just me or is Eggs behind soooooo nice? *fans myself* The sex scenes on this show are pretty hot and I appreciate a nice arse.

…Jessica can just order “Travis” at the hotel? Word? Can I order Eggs’ behind?

…So Sookie has found her mind-reading match in Dallas. Was he sent in from the crazy evangelist group too?  Or maybe Bill and Jessica will hypnotize him to team up with Sookie in their crusade against the vampire-hating church?  mmmm….

PREDICTIONS:

…Sam’s not going to sleep with the komono scratched shitty waitress, because he’ll realize that Maryann sicked her on him. (I’m keeping hope alive…)

…Sookie’s going to have to choose between Jason and Bill, because those crazy christian televangelists are going to show Jason the missing sherrif and ask J to kill him to “prove his love for the Lord.” It’s going to get ugly.

…of course, this all happens after Jason beds the preacher’s wife.

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