â€œSG, when the fuck did inviting the ex to the wedding become the move??!!â€
Manny has a problem. Heâ€™s a great guy, so great in fact that most of his exes still consider him to be a friend.
One has just mailed him an invite to her wedding. Heâ€™s not happy about it.
â€œNo idea,â€ I offer. â€œGuess they think we adultsâ€
Iâ€™m dying laughing because I could tell by his voice over the phone he was sitting on his couch looking at the invitation on his coffee table probably rubbing his forehead.
â€œWhereâ€™d they get that bullshit idea from?â€ He is clearly torn. A part of him is honored while the majority of him is offended.
I donâ€™t know what makes people invite their ex to their wedding. The person who sent the invite is nuts for thinking that their past intimacies with the invitee wonâ€™t come to surface, even if its just in the mind. The big â€œWhat Ifâ€ is going to hit as soon as they see each other on the wedding day. They may even be subconsciously hoping the ex speaks up when that time comes up in the vows (you noticed people have cut that out from the ceremony). Maybe the to-be-wed wants to make the ex feel like shit.
Most times its not done out of spite but a lapse in judgement. The person who has moved on is on a completely different plane of existence. Theyâ€™re not seeing the ex as a past lover with lingering emotions/resentment. They see them as two more eyes focused on them, on their day and another gift.
Exes also truly believe that since theyâ€™ve moved on and are happy you must be in the same place. Its the reason why whenever you talk to them you ask â€œSo, are you seeing anyone.â€ When you say no they go on to tell you why youâ€™re so great and how you deserve an amazing partner. All the shit they wasnâ€™t saying to keep you two together.
Perhaps the bigger question is : What would make you want go to your exâ€™s wedding?
Vengeance? Resolve? Punishment?
One personâ€™s lapse in judgement shouldnâ€™t be your downfall. OK, so they invited you their wedding but that doesnâ€™t mean you have to go. Some major factors in your decision to go should include:
– How long did your relationship last?
– How did it end?
– How long ago did it end?
– What kind of friend have you two been to each other since ending it?
– Do you still love/want them?
You donâ€™t want to go to a wedding when part of you feels like you shouldnâ€™t be there. You end up, the known ex, walking in with that searching look on your face. You know the one where you try to find that familiar face, someone from your exâ€™s life who you were cool with â€” a friend, cousin, mother. Someone who will validate you coming: â€œOh, its so good to see you.â€ Only then will you relax and tell yourself youâ€™re happy you came.
Then at the reception, someone will make their way over to say hello to you. Thanks to the open bar they blurt out to the table â€œYou know this is [Bride/Groom]â€™s ex. We thought for sure youâ€™d be the one up there.â€
You smile graciously but inside you want to run for the hills. To make matters worse you brought a date, who knew nothing about your past relationship.
A W K W A R D.
At some point you expalin that your relationship was so long in the past and hype up your â€œfriendshipâ€ as if the ex is your BFF â€œeven though we donâ€™t talk or see each other often.â€
Of course I didnâ€™t tell Manny any of this. I was enjoying his disgust too much.
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