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Red Wine, Chinese Food and Twitter: How I Spent U.K. Election Night

22.00: The polls have just closed: I’ve got a Chinese takeaway, bottle of wine, pillow and blanket in my living room. I’m camping out here for the night.

22.01: The exit polls show that the likelihood is that we’ll have a hung parliament. Lots of jokes on Twitter about the Brits being “well hung”…

22.50: First results due in a few seconds. Need the loo though. Oh dear. Damn. I need to go easy on the wine.

22.51: The first win of the night. For Labour. In the Houghton and Sunderland South seat. LibDem 5,292… Con 8,147… Lab 19,137

22.56: Loo break now I think.

23.00: So I was wondering if all the parties are having a drinking game right now. One shot for every win. Whoever is the drunkest wins. Then has to do their thank-you speech with the worst hangove ever. Only 7 hours to go. Maybe I should have had a nap this afternoon? Damn.

23.06: My flatmate just got home, very pissed (for non-UK readers, um… she’s drunk). Suddenly realise that I really am a news geek. *I pour a glass of wine in defiance of my geekiness*

23.16: So, we get a 15 hour window to vote (0700-2200). And some dub-asses decide to turn up half hour before closing time. The queues are so long, they end up not being able to vote. Then complain. Dude, you should have got out your bed this morning then. Stop complaining. Kmt.

23.44: Apparently one of my local voting stations stayed open a bit later because the queues were so bad. I live in what one would call… a… er… “mixed area”. My friends are currently tweeting about BMT (black man time). Too funny.

00.15: Oh dear. It looks like some polling stations ran out of ballot papers. I know we’re in a recession and all that, but surely someone could’ve put a bit more money in the photocopy machine. Shocking!

01.00: A question for anyone who’s a techhie mastermind. Why are we still using slips of paper, with voters using HB pencils to cast their vote… when we live in the digital age? Why are we still living in the dark ages. I feel this could be just the job for Steve Jobs. He likes a challenge that one. “Election 2010: sponsored by Apple” I can see it now.

02.00: Our current PM Gordon Brown has won his seat in Kirkcaldy and Cowdenbeath (in Scotland) Umm… but there’s some weirdo standing behind him on stage. Sunglasses on, hand in the air with a clenched fist. I swear this dude living his own Men In Black fantasy. Or maybe the sunglasses are his way of playing homage to a “rappers in a club” fantasy. Weirdo.

02.15: Gordon Brown sounds defeated in his speech though. Like he knows the party has already lost. Not the greatest sign.
03.00: Oh dear it looks like the exit polls may well have been right. We really could be heading for a hung parliament. Which would mean that we’ll have to do it all over again sometime soon.
03.30: David Cameron won his seat in Witney. He says his party are “read to bring strong, stable and decisive leadership to our country”. Yawn. The man bores me… I’m sorry but he does. He’s just SO posh. And trying WAY too hard to be Obama. Although I can understand the comparison. One is a black one, one “met a black man once.”

04.00: Nick Clegg says it’s been a “disappointing night”. Thing is the whole “Cleggmania” malarky started up shortly after the first TV debate. So he started thinking he was all important. Oh dear… someone’s been brought back to earth with a bump, innit?

06.00: Oooh Britain’s got its first Green MP… Her name is Caroline Lucas. And she’ll be representing the Brighton Pavillion seat. So does that mean that Brigthion folk are more concerned about keeping their beach looking nice, rather than economic recovery??? How strange…

07.00: Damn. I nodded off for an hour. Another glass of wine to keep me awake then…

07.30: I need a man-servant to make me some breakfast to wash down all this red wine. I’m also hungry again. The Chinese place should really deliver 24hrs for moments like this.

08.45: So… it’s a hung parliament then. The whole country appears to be confused. So who’s moving into No.10 Downing Street then? At the moment, it appears no-one has any idea. It’s not awfully encouraging. The party leaders are apparently weighing up their options. I hope they’ve not been on the wine like I have tonight/this morning, or weighing up the options will be tad hard.

Think it’s best I get a proper nap and work all this out later.


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