‘True Blood’ Recap!: I Don’t Know About You But I Was Raised to Fight Back

After live tweeting the BET Awards — follow us here! — we watched the recorded “It Hurts Me Too” episode of “True Blood.” Um, Alcide finally arrived and this script gave new meaning to the term ‘missionary position.’ But as usual, that’s not all…We can’t wait to hear your thoughts since you ladies requested a Monday morning recap.

GIVE US COMMENTS!

– Bill really did set Lorena on fire. #awesome

– “It’s like armageddon in here every time someone chips a dessert glass,” says vamp Jackson king, Russell Eddington.”We could all use a moment let cooler heads prevail.” (Get it, cooler heads? Lorena was on fire … NM)

– uh oh … Jackson suggests Bill “turn” Sookie. Sounds like Twlight.

– “Jackson is where he’s from,” says Eric to Sookie. “You’re no good to Bill or me if you’re dead.”

– Tara’s moans of ecstasy and flickering eyes with the new vamp, Franklin. Woah, that must’ve been the best orgasm she’s ever had.

– “Don’t ever get married Sam, the second you do, they start to woman you,” says Sam’s dad.

– “What the hell just happened?” says Tara. “What you experienced was euphoria,” says Franklin.

– Pam giving the stripper head on the Fangtasia desk. LOL. “Spit it up cupcake I’m in the middle of something,” says Pam to Jessica via phone. “Lie back sweetheart and think of Astonia.”

– Jason wants to be a police officer but can’t answer any of the entry test questions. SMH.

– Hoyt’s stepping up and demanding Jason’s opinion but his advice? “That’s why every girlfriend I’ve ever had is the hotter than the last,” says Jason to Hoyt. We need Jayson to stop being jealous of Detective Andy Belfleur.

– Who was Arlene boinking 10 weeks ago? Not Terry?

– Eggs’ empty funeral is sad sad sad. But Sookie paying for it is what it means to be a top-notch friend.

– 1868 throwback with Bill, his wife Caroline and the dead kid is sad.

– “That must be new …” says Lafeyette to Jason. “Try spending your waking moment mopping up your cousin’s tears and keeping her away from sharp objects.” We like Lafeyette’s maroon doo-rag.

– ACLIDE ARRIVES!

– Damn Sam, you shouldnt’ve told your family where you were.

– Who’s the headless, handless dude?

– Police chief Bud Dearborn quits? “43 years and what have I got to show for it?” screamed Bud. “I don’t need this shit!”

– FTR, Alcide’s eyes are supposed to be green. Boo.

– “My ex is banging their leader,” says Alcide. #debbiepelt

– “I don’t know about you but I was raised to fight back,” says Sookie to Alcide.

– “The only way to show your love for a human is to stay away,” says Lorena to Bill in his flashback nightmare. “Do you understand now?”

– “Zima, correct?” says Jackson’s husband. LOL. He’s classic.

– “I hereby renounce my allegiance to Louisiana and announce my loyalty to Jackson,” says Bill to Jackson in front of Lorena. Wow, Lorena really wants to kill Sookie. #jealousyisasickness

– Jason almost outing himself to Tara. SMH.

– Can I get a crazy red sports car for $1?

– “Yes you are, but let’s not tell anyone just yet!” says Arlene to mentally unstable Terry.

– “If you throw a punch, you’re so one of us,” says Sam’s lil’ brother when Sam buffing their father for serving shots to the underaged son.

– Jessica telling Franklin everything after he randomly arrives at her house. #strangerdanger

– Damn Sam, your family sux. They took all of your take for the night? #bullshit

– Debbie is engaged to Coon (aka Wilhelmina Slater’s boyfriend Connor from “Ugly Betty.“) Aw shucks!

– “I will never love you, never make love to you,” says Bill to Lorena before he twists her head around and hits it from the back? #eek

Questions:

– Lorena killed Bill’s wife Caroline didn’t she? #bitch

– Why is Jessica such a dunce? Why does Franklin care about Bill? Where the hell did he come from anyway?

– Damn Bill, what happened? Sookie’s NOT going to be happy. We’re assuming he’ll tell her because he’s honest like that. Thoughts?

– Why Franklin care about Sookie? I’m so interested in that? #differentfromthebooks

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