‘True Blood’ Recap! – ‘I’d Miss You If You Got Killed’

We liked this episode, especially Jason’s extreme stupidity. And we thought Hoyt was his bestie? How’d Andy get the role so easily? Poor Hoyt… and is it wrong that we never actually thought about Lafeyette having a mother? Guess it’s good we didn’t because her appearance is a great twist. Hopefully she’s more than a guest appearance. But as usual, that’s not all and make sure you catch the recap for “True Blood” episode one here. We can’t wait to hear your thoughts since you ladies requested a Monday morning recap.

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– “Cudder — really?” says Bill to his werewolf kidnapper that’s really Wilhelmina Slater’s boyfriend Connor from “Ugly Betty.” Still handsome and shirtless this time. We approve.

– Pam as the big sister vamp to naive Jessica is cute, ’til she turns her out…

– “Don’t do that… it makes me feel strangely… human,” says Eric to Sookie as she uncovers the Nazi werewolf plot.

– “The one time I thought I was fucking happy, I was a zombie…” says Tara post suicide attempt. We told you if her mother was all she had, she was “fucked.”

– “We can fight our natures together,” Hoyt to Jessica, during the telenovela that is Hoyt and Jessica.

– “Is Bigfoot real too?… Santa?” says Jason. LOL.

– “Sooookie,” says… Sookie, imitating Bill.

– Sookie runs towards the person/werewolf that’s trying to kill her… of course.

– Terry giving Sookie the “hold/stop” fist signal like she’s in the military. LOL.

– “Ruby Jean Reynolds… please” = ALFRE WOODARD!?! And she’s Lafeyette’s mother?!? “God killed him ’cause he a faggot, but he keep coming back. This is Jesus, he’s a Mexcian, but he ain’t rape me yet.” Desperate housewives, That TNT show… Lawd please give Mrs. Woodard a steady gig. She can’t go on just playing Sanaa Lathan’s mother.

– “There’s some darkness in this family Tara, my mama, your mama,” says Lafeyette to Tara. “They aren’t strong enough to survive this bullshit Tara, but we are. We’ve been fucking fighting tooth and nail to survive this bullshit our whole life and I ain’t letting you give up now.”

– Lafeyette’s use of “I swear ‘for God.”

-Bloody lambrusco? “Carbonated blood… this one ate tangerines for weeks.” says Albert, boyfriend of the Mississppi vamp king.

– “I mean Sophie Ann no harm, in fact I intend to marry her,” says Mississippi vamp king to Bill.

– Is Jason really jealous of Andy’s “fame” for shooting Eggs? He should meet Jesse the meth head from “Breaking Bad.”

– “You’re prettier than most girls…” says Andy to Jason. OK, homo-eroticism is on overload this season.

– Yes Sam, your new brother just tried to kill you. SMH.

– “You’re going to invite me in so I can protect you, or have passionate, primal sex with you. How about both?” says Eric to Sookie. Actually, after a look at his uber long torso, we might consider skipping out on Bill. Just for one night of course…

-“Warm blood bisque, infused with rose petals”?  weCANT with the fancy food at Bill’s captors mansion!

– “I have a diploma from anger management,” says Terry to Arlene. Dude, we love Terry. He has an armadillo named Felix!

-“Quit speechifying.” says Officer Kenya to Dective Andy Belfleur. Is “speechify” a real word?

– Damn, Tara’s really angry and… nice with the hands.

– “Blood gellato” back at the captor’s mansion. We literally threw our hands up.

– Oh shoot, Lorena’s back! Shoulda killed her in Texas.

Questions:

– “You honestly expect me to believe that the Queen sent one of her best vampires to Bon Temps to date a waitress?” says Miss. king to Bill. Kinda true… what shall we glean from that ladies? Bill has other intentions for Sookie? Mmhmm…

– Where’s Alcide?

– Did Bill really set her on fire or is this another hopeful dream like Sam and Bill’s steamy shower from last episode?

– Just us? Why does the show’s black family have to be so damn dysfuntional?

– Why won’t Arlene just tell Terry she’s preggers with his child?

– Do we think the werewolf was shot or drained by Eric?

SPOILER ALERT –  Don’t want to know? Stop reading:

– So was the chick in the bushes the infamous Crystal Norris? If so, LET’S GO with Jason’s next storyline!

– The werewolves WERE NOT Nazi’s in the book. How’s that supposed to work? Is this weird to anyone else?

Related “True Blood” posts: “I’m in No Mood For Lesbian Weirdness Pam”

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