‘True Blood Recap!’ – Blah Blah Vampire Emergency Blah

Last week’s episode was nuts with that final speech from Russell Edgington but now, we finally know what Sookie is. That only took 11 episodes, shout to Star who told us last week in the comments. This week, “I Smell a Rat” gave a us a back story on Sam, some insight into Jesus as well as Lafayette and made me feel sorry for Russell…til’ he killed that Talbot look-a-like. Let’s get into it!

You like to bark in your sleep

Turns out Sam’s is more like the Mickens than we realized. Not only did he have a past life with Maryanne the maenad from last season, he used to be a doggie jewelry thief?!? Falling in with a woman who uses him for his booty (both physical and the kind he steals) Sam ends up robbed by her boyfriend. When he follows them to get his money back, he ultimately shoots the couple. These memories flood back after serving Calvin Norris that vicious ass whooping. Oh, and now he’s hitting the bottle. SMH. Am I wrong to think he should’ve killed the couple?

What Truth?

Sookie a fairy, we can all breathe easy. But Bill tells her that Claudine told him about the Fae history and how one of the fairies “coupled” with one of her ancestors (_____) and that’s how she can read minds, shoot light out of her fingers and taste “delectable.” After saying she’d stay with Jason, Sookie dreams of Eric who tells her again that she can’t trust Bill, so she stomps down to Fangtasia, where she ends up chained to the floor where LaLa began season two.

Oh Lawd…

Jesus and Lafayette save Calvin Norris’ life after that beatdown from Sam by giving him “vampir” blood. If only they knew he was a shifter and would heal himself if they just left him alone long enough. Still, he wakes up and slaps the shit out of Crystal once he realized how he healed so quickly. Crystal says she doesn’t want to “lay under” Felton her fiancé (ex?) and Cal says she’s dead to him. She runs back to Jason, where she changes from a panther to her human form in front of Jay, who’s already having a rough night. My question? Why are there real wolves but the panther looks so fake? Boo.

I am fucked up

Speaking of Jason’s bad day, he finally tells Sookie and Tara that he killed Eggs—after Tara’s tearful thanks to him for shooting Franklin. She kisses him, then realizes that she’s sexually confused, grieving and generally a mess. As she walks out, Jason tells her and Tara just stares at him before running out of the house. Bill comes back to find Sookie gone and yells at Jason, who rescinds Bill’s invitation into his house. Somehow I feel like this is going to bite Jason and Sookie in the ass later, not that Bill’s the greatest champion. Dude’s always getting roped up and slighted by Eric. Eric, by the way, who’s been cleared to kill Russell Edgington by Nann and “the Authority,” except he’s terrified and drawing up updated wills to give Pam everything. Meanwhile, Russell buys a rent boy that looks like Talbot, formally says goodbye to him and stakes him, even though he’s a human. Sad. Does anyone know what Eric’s going to do with Sookie, if he’s not going to trade her for his freedom?

You more like a shaman in a Sunday hat

Jesus and Lafayette go on a serious trip with V and we find out that LaLa does have a spiritual past. His family were conjurers, shout out to his great great grandma Winnie who never had to sleep with master because of a special powder. Can we get some to weed out all of our potentially bad relationships too? Meanwhile, Jesus had a nice history of healers until things got scary and we stumbled upon a cave where his grandfather was stabbing a voodoo doll. He admits that he had “big plans” for him. YIKES! Not sure how that’s going to come into play, but did you notice Jesus’ past and Holly’s admitting that she’s a wiccan (read: witch) happens in the same episode?

ps. Jessica and Hoyt reunite, even though Tommy is coming for Jess hard. So it’s even more hilarious when she tosses him into the woods after biting Hoyt. Plus, Terry knows Arlene’s baby is really Renee’s but wants to keep it anyway, so she hits up Holly for a magical abortion.

Your turn… Thoughts ladies (and the gents who love us)?

Last 5 posts by Hillary aka Steely D