‘True Blood’ Recap!: Now Time for the Weather, Tiffany!

BOOM! This week’s “True Blood” episode entitled “Everything is Broken” was crazy, right? Honestly, it was kinda whatever until Sam flipped out on Calvin Norris, Tara’s almost kidnapping and Russell’s soliloquy. Let’s get into it ladies!

As much as you wanna be human, I think I’m meeting you halfway to vampire.

Sookie and Bill reunite and cap off their voracious love scene from last episode with a bloody shower scene that I’m sure someone thought was romantic #weird. Bill finally wakes up and realizes that Sookie is a ____ when he ends up in the dream/ _____ land with Claudine. When he tries to feed on her, she lights him up like Sookie did to Cooter (aka Conner from “Ugly Betty”- still miss that show). Does Claudine’s powers give you another hint as to what Sookie is? Perhaps the newspaper clipping of Earl Stackhouse’s “sixth sense” threw up another flag? Plus, what the hell is Hadley up to? Hunter wasn’t introduced this early in the books, so I’m curious if she’s going to pawn him off to her vamp girlfriend, Sophie-Anne because Hads isn’t right in the head.

Can’t nothing hurt me when I got on my war paint.

Truer words were never spoken. Alfre realizes that Jesus has helped Lafayette take off his “mask” with some all night loving and she’s scats back to the mental hospital to “bless the jello so everyone can eat.” I’m still not sure what Jesus’s deal is but I can’t help but think it’s bad and that all of that spirits and saints talk when he was introduced as a character is a bit of grim foreshadowing. You tell me.

There are other ways to resolve it.

Glad that Tara’s getting some help, worried that she’s getting it from Holly, the ____. If you read last week’s Parlour “True Blood” entry, you’ll see that I snitched on what Holly is. Anywho, not sure what her play is with Tara but does she plan to wave a wand over Arlene to rid her of the demon-Renee baby? Hm …

He’s just stuck in the mud and wants to drag me with him.

Tommy’s out of pocket! So out of pocket. He’s got a lady friend over and they’re having such loud sex that Arlene and Terry, his neighbors across the street, can’t sleep. Sam goes over to quell the noise and Tommy essentially calls him a bitch. The next day, Tommy steals Arlene’s tips and disrespects Sam again. Finally Sam can’t take it anymore and when Calvin Norris comes in to rope up Crystal for snitching out the Hotshot crew, he snaps and beats Calvin bloody. I don’t like the way they’re portraying Calvin on the show. He was a weird but nice guy in the books, but on the show he’s a violent prick. And speaking of Crystal …

He raped me!

I’m so done with her. Jason comes home to find Crystal hemmed up by Felton, her fianceé (ex?) and tries to find out why she’s accused him of kidnapping and raping her. Wouldn’t this be the time to say she’s a nutter and bounce, but we are talking about Jason. Not the brightest bulb, so instead they knock out Felton and hog-tie him in the woods and call 911 to report a “V dealer,” unfortunately he almost kills Kevin, one of the deputies who shows up on the scene. Jason, still trying to be a cop, proposes that he and Andy take down all of Hotshot for cooking meth and dealing V. Andy lies to Jason and tells him that the V found on Felton was in the evidence room — except it’s in his desk. What’s Andy’s play here?

Fucking Franklin

Tara’s gone to a rape survivor group and is actually wishing people the best in their lives and here comes Franklin. We knew that smashing in his head with that ancient hammer wasn’t going to kill him. SMH. So he shows up and like the crazy man he is, he admonishes Tara not for killing him, but for not mourning his death … like he’ll mourn hers. Fortunately, Jason’s still on his hero horse and saves Tara since Crystal’s not as receptive.

Fuck the authority.

Eric plays his last hand by snitching out Russell’s disrespect of the Authority, murder of the magistrate, rule over the werewolves and general hate of humans. Except the Authority don’t listen … until Russell, thinking the American Vampire League conspired with Eric to kill his boo Talbot, rips out the spine of a news anchor and announces that he wants to eat everyone (even their children) on national television just before vamp rights go up for a vote. My favorite was his ‘news at 11’ turn to the other camera as he said “Now time for the weather … Tiffany?” iDie. As crazy as Russell is, he and Talbot brought the drama and I love it!

ps. OMG, the novella that is Jessica and HOYT!!! Just get back together already!

pps. Sam’s “what mu’fucka!” hand motion after Calvin’s beat down was HILARIOUS!

Your turn: Thoughts ladies (and the gents who love us)?

Last 5 posts by Hillary aka Steely D