You Don’t Even Have A Vagina!: The Question of Male Gynos

*Warning: This post is probably not for the men who love Parlour*

I’m on a Netflix and health insurance tear right now and in between documentaries like Crips and Bloods: Made In America and The Art of the Steal, I’m arranging doctor’s appointments like there’s no tomorrow. So here’s my question: Am I wrong to look at male gynecologists and think, ‘What do you know about vaginas, you don’t even have one?!’

A sad thing happened to me in 2008, my favorite OBGYN broke up with me. My then-employer swapped out their United Healthcare deal for Blue Cross Blue Shield and she waved bye to me so fast, my va-jay-jay is still spinning. There is truly something to be said for having a stable physician in your life, especially one as central to female survival as a gynecologist and frankly, I miss her terribly. With each gig I’ve gotten since that day, I’ve tried to reclaim my spot under her soft-spoken, great bedside-mannered wing, but no cigar.

“We don’t take that insurance,” is her assistant’s favorite line.

‘Well, why don’t you go without coverage?’ you ask. Oh, I tried that and almost $2,000 in hatenotes bills later, I learned my lesson. Why’s making sure you’re not going to die anytime soon so damn expensive? So now, I’m on the hunt for a decent, kind OBGYN that accepts my new insurance and doesn’t remind me of my first pap-smear, which ended in tears and a vow of silence against my mother for at least 24 hours (she sent me to the appointment with my dad, it was horrifying). Thing is, my first experience was administered by a man and I’ve got to say that while, in hindsight, and at the time but only because of my weird sense of humor, it was funny because he announced every action before he did it like a drill sergeant, I’ve only gone to female GYN’s since then. And frankly, I’m scared to return to a doctor touting a Y chromosome.

I’ve got an appointment with my first male gyno since high school this afternoon and I swear, if his office even looks kind of suspicious, there will be flames following my heels back to my apartment.


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