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Four Artists That Will Destroy Your Valentine’s Day Groove

Sorry ladies, while Parlour loves you and all…pass this post to your V-Day boo today, because this last minute advice is all about making YOU happy today/tonight.

Ok, it’s Valentine’s Day. And if your plans involve a flat, soft surface, prophylactics (safe sex is great sex) and another person, chances are you’ve thought about a soundtrack to take the night up a notch. But take it from someone who has been the repeat victim of sex song fails, it’s not what you play—it’s who you play. Because no woman wants to close her eyes and hear Algernod Lanier Washington through the speakers. Sorry Plies, I still love you. So while I can’t exactly recommend what to get it on to, here are a few artists to avoid at all costs:

DJ Khaled 

I don’t care if it’s an exclusive remix of “Darling Nikki” with Miguel, D’Angelo, and Robin Thicke. If a woman hears “WE DA BEST!” in the middle of it, she’s done. And you’re alone.

The Weeknd

For the record, The Weeknd gets minor background music love in Parlour land. But depending on which track of his you choose, the both of you may end up rocking back and forth in the fetal position while saying “my father never loved me” and then breaking out some Ben & Jerry’s. But if super emo sex is your thing, go for it!

Waka Flocka Flame

Unless one of you is an actual pole athlete, Waka isn’t going to seal the deal. He may start the party (who hasn’t dropped it to “Round Of Applause” on the dance floor?) but don’t depend on him to see you through the finish line. Think about it. Is hearing “Waka Waka Waka Waka Waka!” romantic?

Lil Wayne

Just no. Who wants to get a mental picture of Gollum in skinny jeans while getting it on? Not your girl. Trust me.

And don’t forget about these blasts from the past that a few friends brought to mind today that should stay in the past for all eternity:

Melvin Riley “Whose Is It”

(MC) Hammer “Pumps In A Bump”

I shouldn’t have to explain anything.

And with that, have a wonderful Valentine’s Day! I know I missed a few—speak your mind in the comments below.

Last 5 posts by Shannon Washington