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Vacay Sex: You’re Doing It, So Do It Right

Suntan selfies, exotic dishes and cityscape views to die for. When we travel, our “get into THIS” state of mind tends to take over as it should. And why not? We’re discovering new things, challenging ourselves and sharing our journeys and progress through posts and updates with our friends. And according to a recent study—we’re also having more sex. Vacation sex. Casual sex. Good, inhibition and relationship expectation-free sex.

Great getaways and great sex are a natural fit. So why aren’t we talking about it? Perhaps because women, especially Black women, have traditionally been taught that we don’t just “give it away” to anyone without a commitment or even a ring. Or maybe the fact that a woman who enjoys no-strings-attached sex is commonly mislabeled as “loose” or worse “a whore” because for some reason, some people can’t fathom that women also like to get off and don’t always need to do so in the structure of a relationship. Minds. Are. Blown!  In my personal experience, even the most politically and socially liberated/savvy feminist women in my circle have thrown pockets of respectability-politics laden shade to single ladies who choose to “get it in” on a getaway. A “we don’t do that” mentality that is somehow forgotten when it comes to our “acceptable” state-side dating habits.

Ladies, your body is yours. And you have the right to do with your body whatever you want. You have the right to enjoy yourself, to make yourself happy. And if that means having a one-night stand with a cutie bartender you met in Barcelona after a night of cerveza, dancing and flirting—do it. Do it well. Wake up with a smile on your face and file that memory to your collection of unforgettable moments and continue to enjoy your life as you see fit.

I’ve done it and so have plenty of women that you just may know. Everyone is doing it. Or at least thinking about it. Maybe. Regardless, even if it’s a fantasy that never is fulfilled, let’s talk about how to do it right.

One thing to note, just because you are away and the opportunity presents itself doesn’t mean you have to have sex. And while you may feel a bit more invincible with the rush that travel brings, you’re not invincible to disease, violence, unexpected pregnancy or worse.  Consider the below as a solo/single traveling woman’s guide to help you remain confident in yourself, your security and your satisfaction so that when it’s about to go down, you aren’t scrambling and can just enjoy the moment.

Slow Down And Listen
This is more of a general travel safety tip, but if you do find yourself out on a date, grabbing a drink with or in a situation with a person whose face you’d strongly consider using as a seat, slow it down, raise up your awareness, listen to them and your inner voice. Does this person give you a questionable vibe? Are they really vague? Is this person overly-aggressive? Fifteen minutes in and already alluding to “going somewhere quiet” or “back to your room to talk?” Does this person seem secure in their own life?  What is your instinct telling you?

Essentially, use your absolute best and instinctive judgement about a person. Any person you are getting to know for that matter. And as a precaution, don’t go in too hard on the drinks or joints and always keep your drinks in eyesight from the bar to your hands. Not only will you have better sex (trust me) you will also will have your wits in the event that things take a serious left.

Always BYOC/D, etc
It’s 2014. Protecting yourself sexually should be an automatic. This means packing a few of your own condoms in your travel bag along with any other additional birth control and disease prevention methods you prefer. When you step out, take one or two with you. And yes, watch the condom go on or if oral is on the menu check to make sure a dental dam is being used. Yes ladies, even ladies who love ladies, you can catch the nasties through oral. Lower chances but…yeah. There are plenty of ways to avoid this being an awkward moment, the best method is tearing the packaging open for them and offering it with a smile. Make it sexy. But be clear and firm with your partner – no protection, no sex. No matter your sexual preference, casual sex should absolutely be safe sex.

Selfie Security
I love a good selfie. And when I’m on my own getaway and have found myself in a situation where I may get it in, I use that to my advantage with a cute “let’s take a selfie.” Seems innocent right? But what I’m really doing is capturing this persons image and immediately uploading it to my iPhone’s cloud storage. In the event that something goes wrong, I have this person’s likeness captured and ready to release to authorities or the like even if I don’t have my phone. Take a few selfies and upload them or quickly email them to a) yourself and/or b) your BFF who knows the deal along with a name, age and where the hell you are. You can do this seamlessly while flirting, no awkward “show me your identification” necessary.

 Note: If someone doesn’t want to take a picture with you, or have their picture taken, or gets visibly annoyed that you took their picture, run like hell. Just don’t do it. 

Secure Your Place
Again, this is more of a general travel safety rule, but if and when you bring someone back to your spot for a few hours or even overnight, you will have a better time knowing that all of your things are intact and safe. Before you leave out, secure all of your things in your in-room safe, especially your passport. If a safe is not available, inquire if a safe is available at your hotel’s front desk. If you are in a rental/air-bnb situation, see if there are secure spaces in your apartment or places where you can safely hide/obscure your things. This is especially important as going back to your spot generally may be a safer option if you are in a foreign city.

Also, know if your hotel’s policy about visitors. In some areas, especially in places where sex tourism is rampant, hotels are trained to be extra cautious about guests of guests. So if you do invite someone to meet you at your spot at a certain time, notify the front desk and be clear on if they need to be escorted by a hotel staffer. While this may seem annoying, it’s generally for your own safety so remain flexible.

Set The Tone
Be real with yourself. Is this someone that you’d consider keeping in touch with? If yes, consider exchanging information to hang out again and make a new friend.  If not, maybe exchange emails or What’s App profiles to be courteous. But Facebook and personal phone numbers and addresses need not happen. And that’s ok. You’re both adults and know the deal, whether you choose to become friends or more afterwards is totally up to you, but remember that you owe no one anything. What you don’t want to happen is that you end up giving someone your information just to be nice, and they end up harassing your or overstepping their boundaries. And if you want to know this person beyond travel, be clear on what your expectations and next steps are.

Have Fun
The feeling is right, you’re having fun and your mind is at ease. This is your getaway! Enjoy the moment. Try something a little different. This person may be as nervous as you are, so laughter helps. Go as slow or as fast as you want to, explore some things you’ve been thinking about. Have an orgasm, or three. Be up front about what you like, you don’t like and what you would be willing to try. Learn how to say it in another language. In the end, make it worth your while as this is a moment you can’t get back.

In all, the real gift of travel is getting to know yourself better. Stay safe, stay smart and enjoy your body’s pleasure—even if it’s in another language. And remember, there’s always some handy friends if a solo mission is more your speed. Have a tip to add? Share it in the comments below!

Last 5 posts by Shannon Washington